BPIV08Deceased Alan (Richie) BPIV08Cunningham

It is with considerable surprise that we announce the passing of Richie, who spent much of his life convincing friends and family that he "worked in IT" when, in reality, nobody was entirely sure what he did.

A self-proclaimed dark web hacker, Richie allegedly had seventeen monitors, twenty-three keyboards, and enough passwords to accidentally lock himself out of his own toaster. He could be found at all hours muttering phrases such as, "I'm in," despite never specifying what exactly he was in.

Richie claimed responsibility for numerous global outages, although independent investigations usually traced these incidents back to somebody unplugging the Wi-Fi router. His greatest achievement was convincing everyone that typing furiously on a keyboard made him look important.

Known throughout obscure online forums by at least twelve different usernames, Richie leaves behind an impressive collection of encrypted hard drives, forgotten PIN numbers, and unanswered questions.

Family and friends take comfort in knowing that Richie has now logged off for the final time and is undoubtedly attempting to hack the pearly gates. Early reports suggest that security has already been upgraded.

Richie's final wish was that nobody clear his browser history. Authorities have respected this request, largely because nobody has managed to access it. His cryptocurrency fortune remains safely hidden somewhere on a USB stick last seen in a kitchen junk drawer in 2014. 😆

"Connection terminated. User disconnected. Legend remains online."